Frequently Asked Questions
About the Hakomi Method
& Fernando Gomez
Fundamentals
-
It means that what you're seeking isn't found by running away from the darkness, but by learning to be present with it. Your light hasn't abandoned you; it's been waiting patiently in the very places you've been hesitant to look. This isn't about loving your trauma or being grateful for your pain. It's about discovering that you don't have to deny aspects of your humanity to be worthy of love and belonging.
-
As your nervous system experiences genuine safety in your darkest places, it begins to release patterns of protection and opens you to receive missed nurturing experiences. This becomes possible as you learn to hold yourself in mindfulness at key moments of the process, while engaging in precise awareness experiments designed by a trained Hakomi practitioner.
-
I don't work with insurance companies. I offer a limited number of sliding scale spots for those who need financial support but are committed to the work.
-
Our focus will be on your experiences rather than what labels they have been given. What matters most is your readiness to be present with your experiences and explore them with compassion. I have worked with many deeply traumatized individuals and am trained in trauma-informed, shame-informed approaches that honour your nervous system's need for safety.
Embarking on a New Relationship
-
While I was born in Spain, I've lived and practiced extensively in North America and work with people from diverse backgrounds. I won't pretend to understand cultural nuances I haven't lived, but I will listen deeply to how your cultural background shapes your relationship with grief, shame, family dynamics, and healing. Part of creating a safe place is honoring the specific ways your culture has both wounded and sustained you.
-
I don't claim to be "healed". What I offer isn't a model of perfection but rather my presence; the capacity to be with your pain because I've learned to be with my own. I carry my own sacred wounds and continue to tend them with the same reverence I bring to yours.
-
Trust isn't something I can convince you of. It's something we build together, slowly, at the pace your nervous system needs. I'll never ask you to trust me with more than you're ready to share. The invitation for our first session is for you to pay attention to how your body responds to my presence. Your somatic intelligence will tell you more about trustworthiness than any credential or testimonial.
-
Your pain is not too much for this space. I have been called "A Tear Collector" because I have an unusual capacity to witness and hold grief without being overwhelmed by it. I'm trained to work with profound emotional states and nervous system dysregulation. If you need to fall apart in this space, I can hold you through it. Sometimes the process of unfolding can help us discover our authentic shape.
Standing at the Threshold
-
You're ready when you're tired of performing healing and want to actually heal, when continuing to function without addressing your depth feels more painful than the vulnerability of being truly seen, when you're willing to feel your feelings fully, even the difficult ones, in service of discovering who you're becoming.
-
Our first session is about creating safety and getting to know each other. I'll want to understand you and what you're longing for. We'll explore what it feels like to be in relationship with someone who won't try to fix you. We'll move at the pace that feels right for your nervous system. The goal is for you to leave feeling seen and held, perhaps for the first time in a long while.
-
Ron Kurtz, developer of the Hakomi Method wrote: “The impulse to heal is real and powerful and lies within the client. Our job is to evoke that healing power, to meet its tests and needs, and to support it in its expression and development. We are not the healers. We are the context in which healing is inspired.”
Navigating Emotional Resistance
-
I've sat with people who've survived the unthinkable. If you are reading this, you're not beyond the kind of presence that can sit with you in your darkest places and help you remember who you've always been beneath the layers of pain.
-
Whether specific memories are precisely accurate matters less than the emotional truth of your experience. Your body holds the truth of what happened to you, even if your mind struggles to organize it into coherent narrative. We'll work with what feels true in your body and nervous system, honoring your experience without getting lost in questions about factual accuracy that may never be fully resolved.
-
Curiosity is enough to try Hakomi. Many people use Hakomi as a lifelong practice to continue deepening their connection to their innate’s wisdom as life unfolds.
Finding the Courage to be Seen
-
I've sat with survivors of sexual trauma, childhood abuse, assault, intimate partner violence. What happened to your body happened TO you, not because of you. We'll work at your pace to reclaim your right to inhabit your own skin without shame.
-
Addictive behaviors, self-harm, and eating disorders are often a response to unbearable emotional states. They're attempts at self-regulation when your nervous system doesn't know how else to cope with overwhelming feelings. I don't see these behaviours as character flaws or moral failures. I see them as information about how much pain you've been carrying and how creatively you've tried to survive it. We'll work on developing new ways to regulate your nervous system while honoring the function these behaviors have served.
-
The fact that you're questioning whether you might be harmful shows conscience and capacity for self-reflection that truly dangerous people rarely possess. Acknowledging the ways we've hurt people, while understanding the pain that drove those behaviors, is part of deep healing work. Your capacity to face these questions tells me you're committed to breaking harmful cycles, not perpetuating them.